You nailed the board in crooked again!” Katie flinched and looked up at her father towering over her. Her red bandana was caked with sweat and dirt from working on her hands and knees all day. She stood and followed his eyes across the room where she had been working.

“Can’t you do anything right?” he yelled.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I….”

“Just fix it.” He slapped her face hard and walked away.

My friend, Katie, experienced physical abuse like this daily. Whenever her father lost his temper, he hit her. As the only girl in the family, Katie suffered physical abuse at home and at work. Her older brother also beat her and when she was only eight years old began to sexually molest her.

Katie was raised a Seventh-day Adventist, but when she was 13 and we became friends, she attended church sporadically. One day she called me, crying. “I went to church last week and the deaconess pulled me aside and asked if I had a sweater in the car.”

“Why did she ask you that?” I asked, dreading the answer.

She thought my shirt was too low. She said it was showing off my chest and that isn’t the purpose of church.” Katie’s words were filled with rage and embarrassment. “She said she thought my jewelry was flashy and inappropriate too.”

I didn’t know what to say. I could muster only, “I’m sorry, Katie. They shouldn’t have told you what to wear to church. It’s not really their business.”

Katie still wears her flashy jewelry and low-cut shirts, but she hasn’t been to church since. When her church members could have helped her in a time of desperate need, they chose instead to judge appearances and drive her away. Little did they know that Katie wore jewelry to build up the self-esteem that her father and brother had crushed.

More Aware
When we are trying to uphold and balance God’s standard of justice, which side is more important — moral or ethical? If God has imparted truth to us, how important is it that we give that truth to others and make them follow it? While we take seriously our vow to spread God’s word, we could agree that many “good” Adventists get too caught up in trying to force moral codes on others.

We can also recognize that tolerating differences does not mean embracing immorality. God desires us to accept his children, no matter how they act or what they wear, and to point all to him.

Once a man named Henry visited my church, sporting a beard and wearing casual jeans and a plain, green T-shirt. My pastor, Bob Posh, greeted Henry with warmth and ushered him to the front of the church for song service. As they shook hands after the sermon, Henry told him, “On my way to visit my mother this weekend, someone stole my suitcase. All of my clothes were in the suitcase except for the ones I have on my back. I almost didn’t come to church. Thank you for accepting me, even though I’m not dressed up.”

If as God’s people we became more aware of heinous evils happening all around us, we would not be so quick to judge the minor things. Is swearing worse than refusing to help starving children? Is missing church worse than allowing rape to ruin young girls’ lives? Is wearing jewelry worse than not taking a stand against abuse? Sometimes it would seem so.

A just balance is called for. R. C. Sproul noted, “Social ethics must never be substituted for personal ethics. Crusading can easily become a dodge for facing up to one’s lack of personal morality. By the same token, even if I am a model of personal righteousness, that does not excuse my participation in social evil.”

We need to educate ourselves on what is happening all around the world — the horrors of child abuse, bigotry, war profiteering, depression, sickness and rape — so that we can refocus our priorities on doing God’s will. And what does God desire us to do? “Do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).

Rules are important. They help govern our land and keep us within social boundaries. We all feel compelled to pass judgment on others from time to time, but none of us likes the way it feels to be judged. Only God can judge ultimately; it is a terrible mistake to believe we can fill his shoes. He has not asked us to be scorekeepers in the game of other people’s lives. If we try to fill a position that we were not given, we will throw off our own game and end up in a mess. By abusing morality, we are abusing God’s greatest desire and gift — loving one another.

p.9 adventist today | vol. 15 issue 6